I think most of us can name at least one person throughout our lifetime who we’ve struggled to maintain peaceful relations with. For some of us it may be our parents, our siblings, cousins, close friends or work colleagues. For part of my life, I’ve struggled to maintain peaceful relations with one family member. Most of the time we’ve been good but ever so often something happens that strains the relationship. I remember discussing the issue with a close friend who addressed it from an astrological perspective. He said that because of our individual signs, it was difficult to get along most of the time. We have shattered relations for reasons deeper than what we initially think. We are incarnated in this lifetime accepting that we will endure struggles in the relationship with this person. The spiritual side of us understands the deeper purpose in this while the physical side of us will only see the issues and the drama. An article on http://www.mindbodygreen.com explained why our relationships lead to spiritual growth. The author mentioned her relationship with her father and how it was pretty miserable. She thought he was opinionated, judgmental and stubborn but all of the things that infuriated her about her father were all the traits in herself that she didn’t want to own at that time. Once she recognized and healed the most judgmental parts of herself, his judgments either went away or no longer bothered her. Now her interactions with him are lighter, sweeter and much more authentic. Her father — and more specifically, her relationship with him, and its evolution — taught her that the things that bother us the most in others are actually the traits in us that we’re not ready to acknowledge and heal within ourselves.
This morning while working out, I was chatting a bit with one of the instructors at the gym about kids and family. He talked about his relationship with his parents and how amicably they raised him, despite the fact that they separated early in his childhood. There was no bad mouthing by either parents and the focus was always the children. He talked about how mature women in these times do not understand how to be ladies. They were raised by parents who made “Being Independent” a priority and little importance was placed on being a great partner to someone else. In addition to teaching women how to be a great partner to someone, we also discussed the role of fathers in helping daughters set standards for the kind of love they are willing to accept. A father will be the first man to love a woman and it’s truly a special relationship. It sets a unique and important foundation for her to understand how to be loved by another man and in return, how to treat men. It’s also important that fathers show respect for the mother of their children and other women in their lives at all times. This will also affect the way a young woman believes she should be loved and treated. Learning to be a Lady starts with the relationship a young girl has with her father. Being a father himself, the gym instructor emphasised the importance of fathers being present in a young girls life as much as possible, being dependable, a good example, an excellent provider, an honest support system and even their daughter’s best friend. These are all qualities that will be important in her future companion, so it’s vital that she knows how to recognise them and what it feels like to have someone in her life like that. A few days ago I found the beautiful saying below on Facebook and I hope it makes you smile.
Yesterday I wrote about John and how I distanced myself from him because of differing views. What I must also mention is that I started to adopt some of his characteristics that I myself did not like. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. This relates to the law of averages, which is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes. As a child I was always told to be mindful of my friends…”Birds of a feather flock together”. I wish this phrase was expounded upon to give a deeper meaning to me as a child but as I’m older with a bit more experience, I clearly understand what was being told to me. While I’ve heard many people claim they’re nothing like their friends, having the understanding I do now makes me smile whenever I hear those words uttered by another. It’s a natural human tendency to think we are better or at least make better decisions than those around us.
I am forever thankful to the Cosmic for giving me the level of awareness and consciousness to see myself adopting some of John’s qualities and for having the will power to decide to be different. Being on the receiving end of some of the things he did and talking to people who were hurt by him, helped me to realise how I could negatively affect others if I did not take the necessary steps to change. It’s so amazing that the very same qualities we may not like in someone may very well exist in us. While the habits I sought to change were not to the extent of John’s, with time, if neglected, could very well have gotten worse. To create the change I wanted to see in myself, involved a great deal of awareness, determination and most importantly, visualisation. I constantly visualised myself as the person I wanted to be. Visualisation mixed with auto-suggestion have really helped me become the person I am truly meant to be. Through my understanding of the law of averages, I have taken greater care when deciding who will be the five people I spend most of my time with.
I watched a Ted Talk some time late last year entitled “The person you really need to marry” by Tracy Mc Millan. It reminded me that loving myself first is essential to loving others and succeeding in relationships. Sometimes in life we are so focused on being in relationships and falling in love that we forget about the relationship with ourselves and loving ourselves. Our desire to please others and maintain relationships often cause us to lose sight of our goals and our sense of self. It’s important that we find loving relationships where the love we have for ourselves and the other person can flourish in a healthy balanced environment. When we find ourselves in situations where we give the love we have, without it being reciprocated, this can cause us to love ourselves less and sometimes affect our self-esteem. Learning how to love yourself can help you set standards for the type of love you are willing to accept and can aid in you quickly recognising when you are not being loved the way you deserve to be. If you aren’t receiving the type of love you think you deserve, maybe it’s time you assess the type of love you are giving to yourself. Above all else, there is love.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” … Buddha
“If you are happy, you can give happiness. If you don’t love yourself and if you are unhappy with yourself, you can’t give anything else but that.”… Gisele Bundchen