A Friend’s Perspective

Last night after lecturing, I had the opportunity to chat with a friend who has shown some romantic interest in me since June last year. We were discussing what my mentor and a few other close friends have told me about my work-a-holic approach to life and not making time for love. Not surprisingly, he totally agreed. He then gave me his perspective on my personality which was somewhat uncomfortable to hear. I think sometimes we get so caught up with our goals and doing the things that make us happy, that we hardly ever stop to think about how we are viewed by others. I’m not saying to constantly be worried about what people think about you but coming out of yourself ever so often can be a good thing. He highlighted some of my traits that were quite different from the average person here in Trinidad and Tobago and how those traits have made him uncomfortable and how it can make others feel that way at times.  Now it’s not that they’re necessarily bad traits, they’re just very different from the norm here in this country. He encouraged me to loosen up a bit, go out some more and leave some room for spontaneity. Now I understand all of what he’s saying but honestly, being very organised makes me happy. He also mentioned that some men can feel intimated by me and unfortunately, this is not the first time I’m hearing this, one of my mentors even mentioned it to me on Sunday. The conversation ended prematurely as it was approaching 10PM and I needed to leave the campus. I appreciated everything he said to me as I’ve heard most of it before and I know it’s coming from a good place. I’ll definitely focus on finding a balance between doing the things that contribute to the person I would like to become and taking my friends’ perspective into consideration.

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The average of our peers

Yesterday I wrote about John and how I distanced myself from him because of differing views. What I must also mention is that I started to adopt some of his characteristics that I myself did not like. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. This relates to the law of averages, which is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes. As a child I was always told to be mindful of my friends…”Birds of a feather flock together”. I wish this phrase was expounded upon to give a deeper meaning to me as a child but as I’m older with a bit more experience, I clearly understand what was being told to me. While I’ve heard many people claim they’re nothing like their friends, having the understanding I do now makes me smile whenever I hear those words uttered by another. It’s a natural human tendency to think we are better or at least make better decisions than those around us.

I am forever thankful to the Cosmic for giving me the level of awareness and consciousness to see myself adopting some of John’s qualities and for having the will power to decide to be different. Being on the receiving end of some of the things he did and talking to people who were hurt by him, helped me to realise how I could negatively affect others if I did not take the necessary steps to change. It’s so amazing that the very same qualities we may not like in someone may very well exist in us. While the habits I sought to change were not to the extent of John’s, with time, if neglected, could very well have gotten worse. To create the change I wanted to see in myself, involved a great deal of awareness, determination and most importantly, visualisation. I constantly visualised myself as the person I wanted to be. Visualisation mixed with auto-suggestion have really helped me become the person I am truly meant to be. Through my understanding of the law of averages, I have taken greater care when deciding who will be the five people I spend most of my time with.

Not what I expected

I hope everyone had a joyful Christmas season and are excited to welcome the New Year. The past four days were extremely busy for me. I had hopes of using at least one of the days to relax and do absolutely nothing but rest, think and do some mental planning and organising for the first quarter of 2015 but unfortunately that was not the case. I spent my holidays cleaning and cooking and spending time with family and friends. Even though things did not go exactly the way I wanted, it felt great to have conversations with friends I haven’t seen in quite some time. The first quarter of 2015 will be filled with productive activity and the opportunity to spend time with people I care deeply for was greatly appreciated, as I know most of my time will be devoted to personal and professional development for the next couple of months.

A balanced life

At the beginning of December, my part-time lecturing duties will come to an end for this semester. This will give me some more time to update my apps and think of new projects. I will be making some personal and professional changes for 2015 which would give me more time to rest at night and bring more balance to my life. I currently get less than 6 hours sleep on most nights even though my ultimate time is 6-7 hours which I can wake up from without an alarm clock and have great performance throughout the day without that need for my morning cup of Joe. I would still continue lecturing, coding and working on my business but I need to also ensure that I am able to spend more time with my family. While my mom has been slowly recovering, I have been thinking about changes to make in my life that would be benefit my health and the relationships in my life. I am currently single with no children, so that gives me tons of flexibility and time for work but balance is important in life. I will continue to work every day of the week but I’ll definitely cut down the number of hours on Saturdays to 8-10 and Sundays to about 2-4 to spend more time with the people I love and focus more on spirituality. I am quite comfortable working 10-12 hour days on weekdays so I’ll be keeping things this way until I have a reason to change it. Ever since I’ve known myself, I’ve enjoyed working hard and smart but knowing that I will one day be leaving Trinidad, I should also use the opportunity while I’m here to communicate with and visit the people most dear to me a bit more often.