The Way We Disagree

I recently watched a young couple on the University campus involved in a small disagreement and it reminded me of something I said was very important to me years ago. I am very fortunate that two of my best relationships were with people I considered my best friends and it was really easy to deal with misunderstandings as we knew each other pretty well before deciding to be in a relationship. This isn’t necessarily the case most times. I remember dating someone a few years ago who loved dragging out conflict over a few days. I’ve always had a philosophy that I should not go to bed angry with my partner but it’s tough when someone else does not share that philosophy. You have one person in the situation who wants to clean up the mess immediately and another who enjoys the fight. I’m not trying to label either as right or wrong but it made me realise the importance of understanding how someone deals with conflict before totally committing myself to them. For another person, that approach of extending the conflict would suit them perfectly but for someone like me who prefers to deal with the issue immediately, it may not work so well. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves which is more important…The Desire to Make it Work or The Desire to Win. Usually “The Desire to Win” indicates a greater involvement of the ego and in some cases that person may feel the need to punish his or her partner by withdrawing love or being disrespectful. In relationships there will always be disagreements but “how” we handle those conflicts is what is most important. Conflict can be seen as an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust and you can feel comfortable knowing your relationship can withstand challenges.

“The purpose of disagreement is not victory or defeat, it is progress”…Teal Swan