I’m currently at a place in my life where I’m awaiting confirmation on a few opportunities to make very important decisions. Being patient when it comes to making things happen for me isn’t something I’m really great at. I like to make decisions quickly once I have all the facts and move on to making things happen. While I do have work that keeps me occupied, not knowing exactly what I’ll be doing from May is a bit nerve recking and exciting at the same time. The good thing is that I do have options on the table. In some way, I guess the Cosmic is trying to teach me to be patient and not to try to control everything. Sometimes you need to simply trust God, trust yourself and let things flow. Control is synonymous with security and certainty but life doesn’t really work that way and trying to control too much can lead to frustration. The more I think about this, the more I remember how care free I was in the past and how happy it made me and things still worked out for the best. Let worries go and let success flow.
Here is another post from Tiny Buddha on Letting Go of Control, hope you enjoy.
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Maya Angelou
We are meant to believe that giving up is a sign of weakness and a sign of failure, but I honestly believe it has its purpose. Knowing if and when to give up on some things and some people are very important. In the case of goals, we may be pursuing a business venture or some project for quite some time without making much headway and we believe that we must accomplish this, as anything less will be deemed a failure. We may have invested so much of ourselves into project or venture that we may have built an emotional attachment to it and may struggle to walk away from it. Knowing when to throw it in will save further heartache and help you to see more lucrative projects or ventures that may be beneficial. In the case of people, I don’t truly give up on them in the same sense but I do maintain my distance while sending positive thoughts their way. Sometimes we stick things out with people because we see the best in them, we see what they could possibly be and we see ourselves adding love and value to their lives to help them excel. If that situation starts to affect your happiness, your peace of mind and your ability to focus on your goals, I think that’s a good time to walk away. To be able to give something, you need to first of all have it in your possession and if you are not happy and centered, you are not capable of giving much of yourself. Knowing when to give up when you have most of the facts will help you build character and improve your decision making capabilities. Always remember, successful people make decisions quickly and are slow to change their minds while failures make their decisions slowly and change their minds quickly.
Last night after lecturing, I had the opportunity to chat with a friend who has shown some romantic interest in me since June last year. We were discussing what my mentor and a few other close friends have told me about my work-a-holic approach to life and not making time for love. Not surprisingly, he totally agreed. He then gave me his perspective on my personality which was somewhat uncomfortable to hear. I think sometimes we get so caught up with our goals and doing the things that make us happy, that we hardly ever stop to think about how we are viewed by others. I’m not saying to constantly be worried about what people think about you but coming out of yourself ever so often can be a good thing. He highlighted some of my traits that were quite different from the average person here in Trinidad and Tobago and how those traits have made him uncomfortable and how it can make others feel that way at times. Now it’s not that they’re necessarily bad traits, they’re just very different from the norm here in this country. He encouraged me to loosen up a bit, go out some more and leave some room for spontaneity. Now I understand all of what he’s saying but honestly, being very organised makes me happy. He also mentioned that some men can feel intimated by me and unfortunately, this is not the first time I’m hearing this, one of my mentors even mentioned it to me on Sunday. The conversation ended prematurely as it was approaching 10PM and I needed to leave the campus. I appreciated everything he said to me as I’ve heard most of it before and I know it’s coming from a good place. I’ll definitely focus on finding a balance between doing the things that contribute to the person I would like to become and taking my friends’ perspective into consideration.
The new semester at the University began last week. For this second semester, I’ll be lecturing three courses, one on Design Patterns using Java, another on Databases with MySQL and lastly the programming language C. This will take four classes with a total of 16 hours per week, with four 4-hour classes, for a period of 12 weeks, with an additional week if needed. I’m most excited to lecture the Design Patterns course as this is the first time it will be delivered by the University. I know that my ability to successfully deliver the content will affect the likelihood of the course will be delivered again. Thankfully to sourcemaking.com‘s book on Design Pattern and James W. Cooper’s book on Design Patterns in Java, there will be no need for me to prepare course notes. I’ve also been fortunate to find a C Programming Tutorial from tutorialspoint.com which also eases me up from preparing notes for the C Programming course. I’m yet to find the perfect handout for the Databases course. The students in the class have no database experience and very little database knowledge, so finding notes with very simple explanations is proving to be a challenge. For the next 11 weeks, I will be managing my full time 8-4 job and my lecturing. This will be an exciting challenge as this schedule is a 6 hour increase from the lecturing I did last semester, so it will definitely test me and take me out of my comfort zone. Seeing that my classes end at 9PM, Monday to Thursday and I usually go to bed after 11PM, I’ve decided that it would be best that my morning wake up time be moved from 4AM/4:30AM to 5AM to allow some additional time for sleep. On weekdays, I aim for 5-6 hours sleep but that never really happens, so hopefully this can be attained with my 5AM wake up call. The next 11 weeks will be quite busy but it all contributes to a greater plan and purpose.
Sometimes in life we go about our business thinking we’re doing the right thing without a second thought that we may not be taking the best approach. I recently found another mentor who is a partner in one of the major conglomerates here in Trinidad and Tobago. While I expected my conversations with him to be mainly professional, he is constantly reminding about the importance of love and companionship. On Friday night while chatting with him he told me that my life was not balanced. I constantly talk about all my professional goals, fitness goals and so many things I’m currently working on but hardly ever the mention of love and relationships. I will admit, his observation made me feel quite uncomfortable. The conversation ended but the feeling remained with me throughout the weekend. I attended a wedding on Saturday with one of my best friends and I was having a chat with his sister who is recently divorced. She has been lucky to find love again and I told her I admired her resilience. While chatting with her about my situation, she also mentioned that my life is not balanced at the moment, especially for my age. As the weekend ended, at least 5 people in my life told me the same thing. Even though there are changes I would make to my life, I’m generally content with most aspects. I have many options for work, some that make me extremely happy and some that are not 100% me. I spend as much time as I can with my family and friends, even though my friends would sometimes mention my lack of presence. I guess I have been so comfortable with the way things are in my life, that I’ve had little incentive to make the change. To support one of my goals for 2015, in getting out of my comfort zone, I need to start giving love and companionship a bit more focus and balance out my life for greater success as I know the benefits are endless.
I watched a Ted Talk some time late last year entitled “The person you really need to marry” by Tracy Mc Millan. It reminded me that loving myself first is essential to loving others and succeeding in relationships. Sometimes in life we are so focused on being in relationships and falling in love that we forget about the relationship with ourselves and loving ourselves. Our desire to please others and maintain relationships often cause us to lose sight of our goals and our sense of self. It’s important that we find loving relationships where the love we have for ourselves and the other person can flourish in a healthy balanced environment. When we find ourselves in situations where we give the love we have, without it being reciprocated, this can cause us to love ourselves less and sometimes affect our self-esteem. Learning how to love yourself can help you set standards for the type of love you are willing to accept and can aid in you quickly recognising when you are not being loved the way you deserve to be. If you aren’t receiving the type of love you think you deserve, maybe it’s time you assess the type of love you are giving to yourself. Above all else, there is love.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” … Buddha
“If you are happy, you can give happiness. If you don’t love yourself and if you are unhappy with yourself, you can’t give anything else but that.”… Gisele Bundchen
Today is one of the calmest weekdays I’ve had in a very long time. I’m at the office writing my blog post for the day and completing a few things while everyone else has left to attend the departmental breakfast at the head office. While I don’t fancy the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, I will definitely appreciate the next 2 days that I’ll be able to take it down a bit and spend some extra time with close friends and family. I will also be taking a break from my blog posts until next week Monday, so to everyone out there, thank you for supporting my blog and reading my content over the past couple of months and I wish you and yours a wonderful, fruitful and blessed Christmas.