Young Love

Most adults consider young love to be somewhat frivolous. I remember one boyfriend I had at age 17, let’s call him KC. When you think of what young love should be, I think that relationship epitomised that for a while. We were young, playful, happy, enthusiastic about life and our relationship and most importantly we openly expressed how we felt about each other every opportunity we had. As time goes by and we experience life and other relationships, we tend to lose that innocence and openness with respect to love and relationships. We calculate everything when we get older and most times it’s according to standards society has set for us. It’s about all these areas of compatibility we need to look at and the love factor is not really given preference. We look at qualifications, employment, physical ability, family structure, social groups, peers and so many other areas, one would think it’s a job interview. Now please don’t misunderstand me, choosing to be in a relationship with someone should be a well thought out decision but I feel as if we’re calculating so much before making such a decision that we either can’t make a decision or we make one without the consideration of love. I understand that being calculated can help some people cope with the fear of failing in that relationship but I honestly do not believe that love can be calculated because God is love. When I think of my relationship with KC and how much fun we had, I always smile. We’re still good friends now and that is a friendship I will always cherish. When I envision my future relationship, it’s really important that it includes some element of young love. Other areas of my life require that I be extremely organised, responsible and serious that my personal life should keep me young at heart and balance out the rest of me.

“No one is too young for love, because love doesn’t come from mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.”

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Love and Fear

A couple years ago, I read that there are only two emotions…love and fear. All positive emotions are an expression of love and all negative emotions are an expression of fear. When we feel love, we may have peace, joy, content, serenity, forgiveness and when we feel fear we will have anxiety, sadness, depression, fatigue, judgment and guilt. Napolean Hill identified 7 major negative emotions with fear being one of them. These include fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition and anger. When you think carefully about someone expressing the last six emotions, there is some element of fear. Either fear of being rejected, fear of no longer being loved, fear of being taken for granted, fear of never having enough or fearing that which is not fully understood. Napoleon Hill also identified seven positive emotions. These include love, desire, faith, sex, enthusiasm, romance and hope. Just the thought of these emotions calms and excites you. This helps to reinforce the importance of love in maintaining a balance in life and accomplishing your goals. If you’re not expressing love then you’re leaving yourself open to expressing fear.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”…John Lennon

Elastic Heart

I recently watched the controversial video for Sia’s song “Elastic Heart”. While the video was talked about quite a lot, I chose to focus on the lyrics. The heart is really an adaptable and resilient thing. You can go from being in love with someone to not being fond of them, from being extremely hurt and shattered to finding love again. Every time we find new love we can use this as an opportunity to learn to love more deeply and give more of ourselves. I truly believe the heart is one way we are able to express God through our interactions with each other. When the heart is hurt and tested, it’s up to you to decide how much you want to express love in the world and take the risk to love again. We may be hurt by someone from romantic relations, platonic relations or family relations but our ability to forgive and keep loving tests the elasticity of our heart.

Lyrics from Sia’s Elastic Heart

And another one bites the dust Oh why can I not conquer love? And I might have thought that we were one Wanted to fight this war without weapons And I wanted, and I wanted it bad But there were so many red flags Now another one bites the dust Yeah, let’s be clear, I’ll trust no one You did not break me I’m still fighting for peace Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart, But your blade it might be too sharp I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard, I may snap and I move fast But you won’t see me fall apart ‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart I’ve got an elastic heart Yeah, I’ve got an elastic heart And I will stay up through the night Let’s be clear, won’t close my eyes And I know that I can survive I’ll walk through fire to save my life And I want it, I want my life so bad I’m doing everything I can Then another one bites the dust It’s hard to lose a chosen one You did not break me (You did not break me, no) I’m still fighting for peace Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart, But your blade it might be too sharp I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard, I may snap and I move fast But you won’t see me fall apart ‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart [3x] I’ve got an elastic heart

No balance without LOVE

Sometimes in life we go about our business thinking we’re doing the right thing without a second thought that we may not be taking the best approach. I recently found another mentor who is a partner in one of the major conglomerates here in Trinidad and Tobago. While I expected my conversations with him to be mainly professional, he is constantly reminding about the importance of love and companionship. On Friday night while chatting with him he told me that my life was not balanced. I constantly talk about all my professional goals, fitness goals and so many things I’m currently working on but hardly ever the mention of love and relationships. I will admit, his observation made me feel quite uncomfortable. The conversation ended but the feeling remained with me throughout the weekend. I attended a wedding on Saturday with one of my best friends and I was having a chat with his sister who is recently divorced. She has been lucky to find love again and I told her I admired her resilience. While chatting with her about my situation, she also mentioned that my life is not balanced at the moment, especially for my age.  As the weekend ended, at least 5 people in my life told me the same thing. Even though there are changes I would make to my life, I’m generally content with most aspects. I have many options for work, some that make me extremely happy and some that are not 100% me. I spend as much time as I can with my family and friends, even though my friends would sometimes mention my lack of presence. I guess I have been so comfortable with the way things are in my life, that I’ve had little incentive to make the change. To support one of my goals for 2015, in getting out of my comfort zone, I need to start giving love and companionship a bit more focus and balance out my life for greater success as I know the benefits are endless.

Success and my personal life

This week I had a conversation with my mentor about my personal life and about my family. He asked about my intentions to start a family of my own and what were my thoughts on it. I realised at this point that I’ll have to let my walls down with my mentor. My last serious relationship ended in 2009 and in 2010 I left Trinidad and Tobago for the UK to pursue an MSc in Software Engineering. While studying, my main focus was completing my studies and earning a Distinction, even though I fell short of that goal and was awarded a Merit. Since I returned to Trinidad in 2013, my main focus was building my business and excelling professionally. I have been open to meeting new people but I’m very guarded about that. In the past, I’ve had experiences where I’ve allowed people into my life and they’ve created scenarios that took my focus away from my goals. I’m determined this time around to stay focused on the things I would like to achieve no matter what.

Soon after returning from the UK in 2013, I read Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich and he clearly discusses the importance of love mixed with sex and the positive impact it can have when accomplishing goals and achieving success. At this moment, I realised that love can be a catalyst for achieving the success I want in life, once I choose someone that best suits me. I assured my mentor that in 2015, I will be more open to love and relationships. He reminded me that to be CEO of a company, Prime Minister or President of a country, it is most times required that you be married, so do not underestimate the importance of love, marriage and having a family of my own, as it relates to success. It helps to create a balance in life that is needed and if neglected, can create negative consequences in the long run.