Choose your love

Last week during a conversation with one of my best girlfriends, she highlighted all these amazing qualities she wanted in a partner. Her list of requirements are quite typical…spiritually grounded, educated, a great sense of humor, speaks well, dresses well, has a great job, good conversation skills, a positive outlook on life and someone who puts family first. I listened to her and then I asked, so what are you willing to compromise. She initially responded by saying nothing, then after I said really, she chose everything except spirituality and family. Sometimes I wonder if the requirements we have for a mate are based on ideals society has put out there for us or do we truly try to find out what works for us and choose someone based on that. Quite often I also hear men list all these requirements for a wife and I start to feel a bit overwhelmed. I can’t help but question…are all these qualities really important to them, are they a reflection of their ego or is it some image of a perfect wife society has created. How often do we take the time to consider what would really work for us, what qualities in someone else would bring out the best in us or are we so consumed by the desire for perfection that we choose all these amazing qualities for a mate that we cannot even match up to sometimes.

Women want the tall, super fit, six pack having, God-fearing, successful corporate guy, with the 2 or 3 degrees, great family background, six or seven figure annual income, his own home, no kids and the list goes on and on. How often do we sit and ask ourselves if we are best suited for that type of person, would that person bring out the best in us and would all of that really make us feel happy or would it make us more insecure about ourselves. Men also ask for a lot. They would like someone who can cook and maintain a home like their mother or grandmothers, have the 2 or 3 degrees, be in exceptional physical shape, have a corporate job with a six or seven figure annual income, look as close to a Ms. Universe contestant as possible and it would be great if she can achieve all this by at least age 28 so she would still be at an ideal child-bearing age by the time he decides he is ready to get married.

We are all entitled to choose our love but it’s important that what we desire in a partner brings out the best in both parties. Don’t choose someone with a long list of admirable qualities if you know you’re incapable of contributing positively to that person’s life. It’s always good to ask yourself, “Am I the type of person, that the type of person I want, would want to be with or is best suited for“.


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